Sunday, November 25, 2007

And Now For Something Completely Different

-- Al Qaeda
"appealed to the environmentalist lobby today with an announcement that
it would offset the organization's carbon emissions caused by 9/11, and emissions from recent attacks in Iraq.
A team from the newly appointed "Terrorize Global Warming" cell of the
terrorist organization has spent the last few months calculating the
total carbon dioxide emissions from 9/11 and plans to invest in a range
of projects to cancel out the CO2 released by these attacks."

NEWSFLASH : Al Gore single handedly defeats Global Terrorism AND Global Warming at same time. When asked how he accomplished this he stated he simply helped Osama find his inner environmentalist. He also said OBL insisted on Gore dressing up as George Bush for a round of paintball with him and Ayman. The deal nearly fell thru when Al Zawahiri insisted on playing with real AK 47's. However, after some heated parlay it was agreed to let Ayman tie Mr. Gore to a tree naked and pour some water over his head.

"The team has calculated that the attacks that took place on
September 11 released close to 4.5 millions tons of CO2. Research shows
that Al Qaeda may have indirectly accelerated global warming with these attacks. Says Osama Bin Laden in a newly released press video, "We are doing all we can to become carbon neutral, and are very sorry for the damage to the ozone layer planes crashing into the World Trade Center has caused. We are doing all we can to offset this sudden release of carbon-dioxide gas."

Osama also states, "I'm a strong....believer of
global....warming, and we have been doing all we can to
[down]. For example, I reduced the number....of people who go on planes
since September [11]! Everyone's too....scared!....Haha!...Also, I've
reduced...the....[world's general population through various acts of
EVIL]. So you can see that we [care!]

Osama also opined on the sorry state of the US Republican Party and If things weren't what they were, he would consider a GOP run as their only green candidate.



UPDATE; Late this evening a Senior Administration official poured cold water on news of the Gore/Osama breakthru treaty, only stating that Mr. Gore was just jealous at losing the 2000 election and was indulging in a political stunt.
However , we have learned that the "Nuclear Football" carrying our nuclear missile launch codes had mysteriously disappeared.

Apparently it was located, along with the Vice President in an empty bathroom stall near the "Situation Room". Unconfirmed reports are that when found, Mr. Cheney was furiously attempting to open the locked case, but was unsuccessful. While being led away those standing by report hearing Mr. Cheney screaming "Damn you Scott Beauchamp" followed by "Go Fuck yourself World".

We will keep you informed as events unfold.

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